it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
