Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
