I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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