I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
