wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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