oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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