For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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