He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
