aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
