The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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