my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
