This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
and you fell through a lawn chair
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
