Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
