the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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