Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
