I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
