were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
