Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
