I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
