why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
