I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
