WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
