she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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