my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
