Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
