Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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