Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
