My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
