Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
