see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
