Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
