I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
