She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
