Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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