i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
