I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just had sex on a roof
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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