...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
