I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
