eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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