If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
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