saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
