From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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