If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
