I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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