If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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