my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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