Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
