Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
