On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
