Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
