Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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