Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
