my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
