I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
