No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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